Tears Speak louder than words

One night a group of men begin a session of opening up to each other. 4 good friends. We will give the letters for names. There names are H,A,D, and J. H tells his tale of how he balances his feelings. Well the feelings he had for a special lady in his life went from like to really dislike but a this very moment he is in the middle and could careless. A understands his story so well and could say they almost had the same chapter (but his story was way deeper and alot more painful.) So H says she told him" We are going on separate paths and it wouldn't work out." Well, A who understand his position, and begins to notice his pain from the past came back to haunt him harder than before. He feels it like it Just happened yesterday and is angry at the female species once again. So H continues his story to D and J...But A is reliving every moment all over again with the girl he thought would be his...A remembers her kiss, her everything, and Most definitely her lies. Her lies not only came from her words but from her actions. A believed his journey for love was finally over. A and this Girl spent so much time together...A was even asked to go to her mother's house for Christmas and he did so... A didn't think about anything but her...Every night the girl of his dreams would kiss him Goodnight. A didn't know what the this Girl had in her mind when she came to him one night crying saying "I don't want to lose you"
A asked "Why would you say something like that?" And pulled her close and comforted her. A hasn't seen this scene in awhile...After the Christmas getaway with this girl he had grown so close to...A decided he would do anything to be with her...She made it seem like she wanted him to stay after all she was still kissing him goodnight...But A didn't realize he was actually sharing his story with H, D, and J. They all felt some of the pain A was feeling. The girl woke up one morning and thought to herself(After all A had done...The sacrifices! he was pretty much homeless just to reside in her presence!) She had finally thought about the paths they were on and how they were different....She comes to him and says we need to talk and her words spoke different from her kisses. She said "We are going on separate paths and it wouldn't work out."
So his pain flows from his eyes...And he tells her...His deepest feelings and she lets it bounce off of her with no emotion. A can't tell up from down! He doesn't know whats going on... H,D, and J are listening to his hurt and can't believe this Girl was capable of causing such Damage...She fooled them as she fooled A with a mask of sweet and Innocent, when her true identity was something far more darker. A recently found out she is with another Guy and Finally decides to bid farewell to that friendship built on lies....After A finishes his story and goes for a ride inside his beat up car turns Up the music and lets his emotions sing along...lets his Tears speak louder than words! A held all his pain in...He thought it was weakness when his tears tried talking to him. He kept Them bottled in....But the bottle exploded.....Tears showed him the memories of his absent father, is horrible childhood, and most all his relationship with women....A cried and gasped for air....Screaming into his steering wheel...Y!!!!!! The tears fell even more....and Began to calm him down...You'll be ok they said...

Tears aren't a sign of weakness....And if you just take the time to listen you'll understand what they really represent...

Love or..

In her midst
My heart slips into a bottomless pit
Of undying memories I would kill to forget
Words dance on my tongue I bite to keep this love caged like a pit-
bull Sit boy, put me down No hope can't Cope with being Lovesick
Can't Tell which is worst Death's fingertips or Love's Lips
But Before I jump on The love Boat Ill hold to death's grip
THey say everything deserves a second chance
But unless im in her arms Don't think Ill hold hands with Love again
Which would make me and they guy who holds My Fate Best Friends
Love? Or The End?

Smiling at Death

Driving in the pitch black darkness, when the night is torn into two by two headlights. Its an Old dusty truck and it starts to catch up to me, in my mind I ask myself a question "what if this is the night I Die? Will this unidentifiable truck host Mike Dee's waited killer?" So after Give myself a mental interrogation...I smile. As I turn down the street of where I live, the old nasty truck keeps straight. The smile of hope turns into a face of disappointment. A long time ago, I use to get this very creepy sinking feeling...That this poor body will release this soul of mine. And recently I had a dream(Haha I will spare you the ridiculous details) at the end it said(If I would've died today, I would've accomplished nothing." So is this a message to me is it my subconscious talking to me, or is it just a dream? These words bring that creepy sinking feeling back with a force...

I start to think of a chorus from a song of one my favorite artists Royce Da 5'9

Death is certainly gon' catch you
Whoever especially you will be left hurt
This is the cold, harshness of life
Just when it unfolds you lucky to grow old - life!

Well If you are reading this, I want you to know you are one of the people I truly care about you and want you to know these thoughts of mine...So the question I ask you..If you knew I was gonna Pass Away...What would you say to me? Any last thoughts? Do you regret the time we shared?Or just regrets that have to do with me period? Has there been something you been meaning to tell me? Any lies you told me that you would like to reveal? Take your time but give me your answer or answers ASAP. You can leave them as a comment on here or If you want to keep them between me and you just write me...

Distracted

Ok imagine this...
A young kid holding his/her parents' hand walking down a sidewalk and a big city with a lot of sights to be seen. The parent has an awesome day planned for the child and wants to show him/her a lot of things. Before the journey begins the child sees a candy shop. That has everything a sweet tooth could desire. The kid screams "I want to go there!" The parent replies"You can go there but if you do we will have to do what i want to do another time, So which do you want to do?" The kid see that candy store and wants nothing more. So the kid obviously chooses the candy shop postponing the awesome day the parent had planned for/him/her.....

Now take the kid out, and put yourself there. Take the parent out, and put God there. Take the big city out, and put the the world there. Take that measly day and put your life there! Turn that candy shop to A place where you can get what you desire most but it also can be turned into a place of sin. Picture God looking down to you as his child and telling you" You can Go there but I want to give you something else! So it's up to you, Do you want to do What I have planned For your life, or feed yourself on your own selfish desires?"

Tonight, was an eye opener. Tonight I talked with two good friends of mine(Dan and James) Totally brought to my attention that I have been distracted lately. Looking towards that candy shop trying to get what I want...when its this life That I have isn't even close to being about me or my wants....The Question should be what is it that he wants? And Am I willing to put away my desires for his will?

Four words

Here is an Old poem of mine....

She says Four words
That makes my stomach twist and turn
As she looks into my eyes and i lay mines on hers
THe degrees The temperature Goes upwards
and i feel a different defintion of the term heartburn
The infern-o burns slow and it hurts me more than i deserve
and all i want is to be captured trapped by her grasp and forever be hers
keep my feelings bottled up unless she turns
The cap and break the seal and i will quench her thirst
daydreaming about being in her arms sleepin would be per-fect
Yes anything she needed i would give her my last breath
But SHe would do it like she did my heart RE-ject wouldn't hold it 4 a sec
Told god i'd drop everything I picked up For her to be next
TO my side never replied no no and no yes
I played her game and she was a ref
Try to hold on to her and she gave me a tech
Now she's behind the line shooting away my wishes and stepped
On that part in my chest i bet-cha like man
What were those four words she said
Just know everytime im near her i almost tear-up but can't cry cuz im a man
Yessir only time i meant the L-word but my feelings didnt stand a chance
Agaisnt what she had planned all she wanted to do was slap hands
No more hugs and kissez jus handshakin from a distance i kno u understand
The four words she said brought me too my knees and hands with tears landin
Crying was useless didnt move her so her mouth open and began
TO Say what i think all men hate the phrase" Lets Just be Friends"

What is it?

I don't know what it is in a human, to want to be cruel to others. What makes a person want to say to another person you are ugly, fat, or unattractive. What gives them the right to bring another person down, and what is their reasoning for doing so. I want to know so badly who put these people in charge of who looks good. Who said that they can judge something they had no part in making! What makes you think just because you have the money to spend on items that are expensive and wear what you think is "cool" "hot" or "sexy" makes you better than the people who can't afford those items. I was watching People's court and this girl obviously thought her poo didn't stink. She made it seem like people owed her something for being rich and snobby! I don't think its right to steal or rob but I would hope like something would happen to everything she owned and like she had to start from the bottom, just to make her feel like nothing!! Just to help her see what she truly is, a person just like every one else and nothing is gonna change that. This planet has brought me down so hard with its opinions. Especially the opposite sex...They make me feel worthless like who I am isn't good enough for them...I have to be taller, buffer, perfect smile, or prettier eyes just for them to consider me as a prospect for a guy they would date...Looks first and personality last! I just wanna know how come you can't get to know me and see if who I am matches who you are and would we be good for each other?
So can anybody tell me Why is it this way on this planet? tell me what is it?

Music!!

Dictionary.com defines music as an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color. Its such a beautiful thing when it is written from the deepest depths of the soul, heart and mind. There is difference from sounding and actually being good. I was talking to my friend of mine named James, It was after an awesome performance by a young lady at a coffeshop called The blend(Which is an awesome place for local talent). I was telling him she probably won't make it in the music industry because she doesn't suck! Haha you have to suck a lil bit...You have to make catchy tunes and have a certain look to make it out there! I love music I can feel the emotion through speakers! I love all kinds of music there are very few genres that I don't like but what I learn from my friend Eric harris You can still respect it. I might not like the sound of country music but the songs that are geniune and heartfelt I respect. Something I dream about is being in band rapping to live music. So i can show my emotions much like Rage Agaisnt the Machine...Just be free from trying to impress fans. Just to express myself is what I basically want but through the only way I really know how, Through Music!!!!

Day In, Day Out

Well, Today is hardly different from every other day of my life. I wake up feeling like "What's gonna be the thing that will make this day suck worst than yesterday! Well I get some mail talking about student loan payment overdue! Well I can't pay for anything right now, and it is my own fault. Well another Thing I wake up 2day is the same crap I get from any girl I have feelings for...Well it was a text and I asked her why she didn't want to be with me and she replies"I just can't. I'm looking for someone to settle down with and get married i want kids. no offence but i don't want mixed kids" Can you feel the fire burning inside me right now, probably not!! If you could, your skin would melt away and your bones would turn to ash! And I look back to the chicks I was about to get close to, that were white. The reason I couldn't be with most of them was because I was black. Don't think for one second I don't like black girls! I like girls period! I don't see what color they are, I see what soul they have! Your inner me is what interest me! Does my inner-me matter to the opposite sex? As of right now, I don't believe so. So To every girl that turned me down because I wasn't the handsome blue-eyed, ripped from head to toe, and perfect in every way Guy I'm sorry I didn't meet your requirements. I can't change who I am. God made me this way for a reason! I hope one Day I can Find the girl who is interested in the person I am on the Inside Not Out....